Here I am, seven years later, returning to blogging. As some of my longtime followers know I once had a scandalous blog on www.myspace.com that enabled others to learn more about me, my past, my adventures, sins and choices. I then briefly started writing here again in 2010, but, alas, I wasn't meant to share thoughts and feelings at that time.
Now, it is 2017. I am married. I have kids. I have launched Proper Manors, assisted in creating some additional creative content and furthered my acting career.
So far, I have had an amazing life. I sincerely recognize how lucky I am to do what I love, have a family and still manage to travel and focus on making the world a better place. There has been some significant pain and loss, as well as emotional growth the past seven years. My social circles seem to have changed - mostly for the better, I acknowledge that everyone I have met along my journey has helped me grow as a person and I certainly have come to understand, much more clearly, and sometimes painfully, that we are with others for a reason - no matter how brief or long that period of time may be in our lives.
Barack Obama is out of office. Donald Trump is President. I started blogging when George W. Bush was President, maybe even during the Clinton years, if old AOL posts survive. I have lived a pretty open life. I also have many misconceptions to address and I communicate most effectively through the written word.
My success has been slow. There have been advances and setbacks along the way. I have gained both fans and haters. Often the latter seems like a larger group than I had ever imagined possible. The more public my life has become the more I crave peace and quiet. I also have discovered I have zero tolerance, almost to a fault, for those with a victim mentality, lazy people, individuals who shift blame to others and anyone with a negative attitude or doomsday perspective. I have also discovered I have less energy to battle those individuals. I am committed to improving my life and circumstances.
It's been a hard road. I haven't given up. I wanted to a few times. I realize that I can't remain on the sidelines. I simply must push myself to exceed more. To be more. To create more. To travel more. To love and laugh more.
That's what brings me back to writing today.
I am feeling old at times, emotionally and physically drained. I am filled with uncertainty more now than I ever have been in my past. Maybe it's because I have kids now and every choice seems like it must be weighed against the impact that choice will have on my children and family.
I have a lot more to accomplish. I have some stalled dreams and sidelined goals that were and remain very important to me.
I also recognize that writing is therapy for me and, for better or worse, honest communication and sharing of my feelings is what will allow me to grow again.
I crave so much more from my life. I have never wanted to simply exist, survive or go through the motions of living. I want and need to be more in this universe. While wealth and fame are always on my mind, it's more about learning and leading.
Life was once Beer, Vodka, Marlboro Lights and anonymous sex.
Now I crave hot tea, clean air, healthy food and intimacy.
It's definitely not as exciting.
It is different.
Change is inevitable.
I must discover what "more" is in my world and be more specific in my goal-setting.
Thanks for joining or re-joining me on this new, yet very much the same, journey.
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