I never really thought I would make it to 47 years old. My biological Mom died young of bone cancer. She was 38. My dad also died of cancer. He was 56. I added the two together, divided by two and came up with 47 as my life expectancy. That's where I am today. A few months shy of 48 and facing my 30 year high school reunion.
I have had an amazing life and accomplished many of my goals. Goals change. I feel like I should be further along professionally, financially and physically. Sometimes I measure my success by finances. Other times I find myself comparing my success to others at my age. The promises I made to myself to make a difference in the world - scholarships that honor those I admire, fat bank accounts for some of the people I know and admire as well as theaters, libraries, and the ability to help others with travel, education and dreams.
The past few weeks I also am caught up in the role of being a parent, a husband and the son of an aging mother. All of these individuals are the ones who matter most in my life and the reason I work so hard to accomplish so much and burn the candle at both ends often to the point of exhaustion. I know that my approach was much different, and, to be honest, much more reckless, when I was single.
There is no denying I am dealing with a midlife crisis. I thought it had occurred earlier in my 30's. I have accepted life is planning on keeping me around longer than I initially thought possible. There are some red flags and problems with my aging body and years of neglect it has experienced. I am obese and need to lose weight. My heart has and is having some issues. Factor in stress and anxiety, a slightly elevated cholesterol and blood pressure and rising blood sugar that could cause diabetes and it becomes evident that my first and primary focus must be on my health.
Those who know me best know that I function best under stress and live for challenges that allow me to push the envelope and excel in every way possible. Mediocrity is something that annoys me and while I understand and value the concept of "just enough," I hunger for more - always. I have always had terrible sleep patterns - either too much or too little, often sleeping in the hours I shouldn't and often awake when others sleep. All of these pros and cons need to be addressed and I am tweaking my life and lifestyle in ways I once considered, well, "for old people."
I will be discussing some of my newer thoughts and some of the changes I am implementing on my journey to become a better and healthier person soon.
Admitting I have a problem is the first step to recovery.
